a Heart's Ramblings.

I was talking to a some sisters at Church last week about the ways we have found that help us best digest the scripture we're reading.  The oldest mentioned having to read the whole NT in a very short amount of time for a college assignment, after which her class also required her to write down a few thoughts/notes about each book. "Wow.  Was that difficult?"  "Ummm.... yes.' (hello??  I'm not sure why I even asked?)  'But it was so good, too!  I feel like I learned so much - just in a different way - by reading entire books of the bible all in one sitting rather than spreading it out."  We decided that it would probably be good for Christians (namely, us...) to mix things up a bit and try different "methods" of reading/studying to get a fuller picture, a more complete perspective. I've been wanting to read Job again, so I pulled it out the other day, and finished it this morning.  I can't say I felt I learned anything hugely d...

I still find dear Eva on my mind so very often... In a way, I feel it's a positive thing because I'm urged to pray for her, but in another I don't like the unsettlement I feel when I think of her.  Not just her, but how helpless she is, and how she doesn't have a clue about it.  How she is living her life thinking that her eternal future is written in the book, set in stone.  But it's not.  The whole thing has given me a need to understand free will, God's sovereignty, the things that though I had never cared about before or I thought I understood, confuse me now.  It's hard for me to accept that such hungry souls can be deceived by the devil in such a terrible way as to actually believe that they know God when they don't.  So hard.  Even more so, to realize nothing in my power can MAKE her see the truth - The Creator of her soul is the one and only.  Talk about even harder. But I can pray.  I can live my life in such a way right NOW, that ...

The Church has been such a beautiful picture to me lately.  It's been hard this year for some reason, coming to grips with the people there and finding my own purpose as a part of the body.  "Normal patterns and rythms of the Christian life in a community... a well-watered tree... a place where we are being sustained by the Spirit..."  These are the truths He's putting in my heart as He reminds me of all the times in the past 12 years of our HOPE attendance so many people have lovingly gave of their time, finances, special care and thought... and how they continue to.  Different families at different times of our lives, but Christ's Church.  People who God uses as His hands and feet to the hurting and the failing and the discouraged. So thankful for the body of believers that stretches so much farther than Kansas City.  Thankful for the building I've known as "Church" for years.  Thankful for our Pastor, and the ways He allows Jesus to pour His l...

Lately?  Every day is a day of new learning.  Learning to love beyond my own definition of it.  Resting deeper and deeper in Jesus, even as life never stops long enough for me to come to a somewhat satisfying understanding of other people.  Or even myself.  God is a strong and steady rock in the storms of life and shifting shadows of this world, is He not?  Learning to hold on to Him, because other people - even a friend, close friend, sibling, or parent - can't take His place in giving you everything you need.  In giving you desires that line up with God's perfect ones, and putting your in-perfect desires to a perfect (in His book ;-) end. I'm finding sweet rest in knowing God is beautifully orchestrating my life right now, even though it doesn't always feel that way.  In gaining strength (even though weak physically and mentally a lot of the time) through seeing the needs of others and ignoring my own.  Loving the unloved, and yes, those ...

"Everything today must be quick and easy, because that is how the world seems to operate. Yet, the key to maturity is time and community. Discernment and godly wisdom develop in a community that spans generations. The church is called to be this place where the Spirit uses normal patterns and rhythms of the Christian life in a community , so that we may bear fruit like a well-watered tree . Despite common appearances, the church is the place where God’s new creation is coming into existence and being sustained by the Spirit like a great vineyard."  -Micahel Horton ( https://www.biblegateway.com/blog/2014/10/ordinary-spiritual-growth-an-interview-with-michael-horton/)

Still trying to learn to accept the manna as it comes every morning... not depending on myself to save enough for tomorrow, but finding it new every morning.  Its hard to trust.  My faith is so little, and I realize it so much more when I come across the stories about blind, deaf, and lame men in the bible and the faith that they possessed.  They waited on the Lord, even in their miserable situations... they had disease and issues for the entirety of their lives and yet were still patient and showed great faith.  I want to be that way.

Pastor Jeff's thought on learning from the past (not being controlled by it, however - neither regret of the past, or discontentment with the present from comparing to the past) rang very true for me today when I read through a little of one of my 2-year-old journals/thoughts on scripture.  Its amazing how much you can learn from... well, what you've learned before.  Reading my 15-year-old thoughts convicted me, actually, of where I need to be now.  I needed that "child-like faith" spark of my 15-year-old self to be renewed, that complete trust in One higher than me.  Even though I know that I've learned SO very much since then... so much in these past 12 months in particular... I need to get back to some of the basics.  Our lives have been so crazy full (and jam-packed with a lot of nice, emotional melt-downs from all... including myself of course ;-), and I've been forced to my knees so many times realizing that God knows best...  that God becomes somethi...

Lord, take control of my selfish heart today and help me to find joy in being IN Christ.  May my heart overflow with rivers of living water... (John 7:38) The LORD will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring. -Is 58:11

"Come, o children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord. What man is there who desires life and loves many days, so that he my see good?  Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit.  Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it ." -Psalms 34:11-14 I read this in Psalms this morning and thought, "this is the definition of 'fearing the Lord'!"  Pretty cool find, m'thinks. ;-)  The concept of  'fearing of the Lord' always intrigued me when I was younger, and I loved finding passages that helped solidify what exactly is was in mind.  Its mentioned so many times in the scriptures, but its not usually mentioned in a very straightforward, applicable way.  This passage was so simple and so applicable.... David says,  " I will teach you the fear of the Lord".  The #1 easy way to fail in loving what is good, and hating what is evil:  Your tongue.  Keep it under control.  KEEP it from evi...

Yet another episode of "Thought-Provoking Conversations with Kids"... me:  Gracie, you really need to lay down now.  Stay in bed this time - no getting up, m'kay?  You need to get your rest so that we can have a tea party when you wake up. Gracie: (with an ornery, sheepish grin)  Ooookay. Closing the door... Gracie:  Anna??  Do you really mean that we're going to have a tea party? me:  Mhmm. Gracie:  You really mean it?  Why are we going to have a tea party? me: (thinking she's just trying to detain me in her room as long as possible.  The usual scenario.)  Gracie, because I like to have fun with you!  Time to go to sleep now... Gracie:  Weeellll... WHY do you want to have fun with me? me: (realizing I don't want to just drop the conversation here...)  Because I love you, Gracie!  And I love spending time with you. Gracie:  (very thoughtfully) Anna... why... why do ...

From Mark 6: (ESV) 7 And he called the twelve and began to send them out two by two, and gave them authority over the unclean spirits. 8 He charged them to take nothing for their journey except a staff—no bread, no bag, no money in their belts— 9 but to wear sandals and not put on two tunics.[ a ] 10 And he said to them, “Whenever you enter a house, stay there until you depart from there. 11 And if any place will not receive you and they will not listen to you, when you leave, shake off the dust that is on your feet as a testimony against them.” 12 So they went out and proclaimed that people should repent. 13 And they cast out many demons and anointed with oil many who were sick and healed them. 30 The apostles returned to Jesus and told him all that they had done and taught. 31 And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. 32 And they went away in the boat to a desolate place b...

It's amazing how much you can learn in such a short time... this past year has been so full.  Yet so good.  Its hard to say that because it doesn't usually feel very "good"... but I know it is.  Why?  Because I've felt far away from Jesus, far away from my family, far away from the closest of friends.  But because of that, I've also felt so much stronger; so much closer to Jesus, so much closer to my family, and so much closer to (some) true friends.  I've tried to "do it on my own" and found I need Jesus, I've tried to "give up" and realize too much is at stake to do that.  I've learned I need to hand over the reigns to Someone more capable, yet still enjoy the ride. Seasons of life are so queer.  I was talking to another younger girl at Church yesterday, and as she was talking about potty-training their youngest, it took me by surprise, but - I didn't completely understand anymore.  I knew FULL well what she was talking...

http://jeffklick.com/blog/who-ya-listening-to.html#23.U7QjXPldV8E You need to know your own Bible.  That's really what it all seems to come down to!  Although counsel makes a man wise, how can you know whether or not it is Godly without knowing your own Bible?  How can you compare the two to see if they line up?  I guess that's the problem in our modern-day... we're lazy.  We'd rather just take whatever advice we've been given; and then if it turns out to be sour advice?  Oh, well blame the counselor - after all, it was his fault that I listened to him. I need to study my Bible better.  I want to know my Bible so well that I know what advice is Godly and what one isn't.  What counsel lines up under God's Words, and what doesn't.  I don't want it to be easy for me to slide right into a wrong, unbiblical way of living because I listen to "all the flutes around me"... and simply don't the scriptures for myself.

I haven't a voice the past three days (which said days included new years at the Robinetts - I talked zilch, laughed too much =P).  Yes, yes... I have a cold.  I've learned a couple things after losing (and somehow maintaining the fact) this voice of mine: 1) I talk more often than I should.  My lack of being able to express myself has shown me how often I shouldn't. 2) I need to think more before I express myself.  I tend to throw so much out there, speaking my mind when others may just (gasp!) actually not want to hear it.  Humility, Anna dear.  3)  I'm really grateful I have a voice.  When I do have one, of course. My thought process right now: 1) I need to go do something useful and worthwile. 2)  I need to be journaling here more often... cause I've gotten way out of the habit, and I have sooo many thoughts I want to write down every morning I read during devotions.  I need to make this a bigger and better priority in my life than...

You want everyone you meet to know that you love Jesus... so make it obvious!  Have a good attitude, wear a bright smile - how else is anyone going to know you are full of JOY and that you have something REALLY great that they don't?  Make them want to have what you have! umm... right? For some reason that doesn't settle well with me.  I'm guilty of saying the same thing many time before (especially to the younger ones when going out), but it just doesn't seem right thinking over it lately.  Should we pretend to have joy when we don't feel it just so that everyone thinks we have something great?  I'm not trying to be contradictory, but it does seem a little odd to tell a grumpy kid to cheer up and plaster a smile on their face when they are being the opposite... grumpy.  Or, to put it another way - NOT full of Jesus' joy. =P  Of COURSE our joy should be full and great because of the love the Lord has for us and the new life we have because of Him...

http://legacyladies.wordpress.com/2014/02/09/dance-with-him/ <- very good http://thelegacyladies.com/2014/03/03/the-importance-of-pursuit/ Hadn't really thought much about emtional/spiritual boundaries... these are interesting thoughts: http://thelegacyladies.com/2015/08/23/dating-boundaries-spiritual/   http://thelegacyladies.com/2015/08/03/dating-boundaries-emotional/ http://thelegacyladies.com/2015/08/11/dating-boundaries-physical/ "You should go on intentional dates with a man to determine if you enjoy spending time with him, have feelings for him (you know, the butterflies), and to see if he is a man pursuing his relationship with Jesus each day. The rest of his heart is meant to be explored in marriage. This kind of intimate relationship is created for forever relationships – your sisters in Christ, your family, and your husband." “The wise young woman who takes things slowly, carefully guarding her heart in premarital relationships, will walk down the ...

The Perfect Homemaker. ...oh, that's right, I nearly forgot... there's no such thing. As much as I want to believe it, as much as I can try to BE it... there's no such thing.  I don't always want to wash the sink full of dishes.  I don't always feel like sorting through the mounds of laundry that somehow made their way onto our floor in an undecided mix of clean and dirty.  And you know what, I really just don't want to make dinner tonight.  I'm never going to be the perfect homemaker... or the perfect daughter and sister... or the perfect daughter of Jesus.  I'm a sinner, I mess up, and I'll never be able to rise up to the standards I should. But does that mean that I shouldn't try?  Throw all to the wind and embrace the fact that I fall short but stubbornly ignore the fact that I serve a Holy God who deserves my best? Jesus, give me strength today to... well, try .  When I get discouraged, when I get plain lazy and want to give up. ...

Bless the the Lord, O my soul.  O Lord my God, thou art very great; thou art cothed with honour and majesty.  Who coverest thyself with light as with a garment: who stretchest out the heavens like a curtain: who layeth beams of his chambers in the waters: who maketh the clouds His chariot: Who walketh upon the wings of the wind. {Psalms 104:1-3} Now that spring is coming back, these words take on such a deeper meaning!  Took a walk outside as I was reading this, just as the sun was just setting - it was one of those scenes you can't re-create in even a picture.  It's not overly-colorful or extreme of any sorts, it's just simple and plain but so wonderful because of the experience.  Watching the rays of light make new paths in the tall (insert: dead) grass as the sun falls deeper behind the trees, the golden reflections that bounce off of every object, the quiet cool breeze that comes and goes, the occasional flock of birds slowly but steadily flying over you a...

Feeling thankful for the steadiness that is found in Jesus.  The constancy of His goodness and grace, the faithfulness of His love and mercies, the solid rock that we can stand on when all else is washed away.  Came across a news story today of a young newly-wed wife who's husband was killed during an in-home robbery, just months after marrying and just months away from welcoming their first little boy into the world together.  I can't even imagine what that would be like, but the peace and security in the Lord that the young wife/and now mother shared reminded me of God's great faithfulness to His children.  Of the love that He pours over us, and how we sense it in an even greater way when we are forced to lean on Him. Thank you, Lord, for... just being there.  For not leaving us to cope on our own, but walking with us and leading us through it all.

Only got a couple minutes here, as I'm GOING to stick to my sleep schedule tonight.  Which means I've actually only got 60 seconds, really. Long story short (how often do I start like this, I wonder??)... my mind and heart are full right now.  Reading through old journal entries from years ago when Monique lived here in KS, comparing their life to what it is now - JUST as beautiful and wonderful, but with a sorrowful twist that doesn't seem like anything (much less beauty!) can shine through.  Life isn't always beautiful in our earthly terms, is it?  Sometimes life is beautiful even when it doesn't feel that way.  When tears overtake the laughter.  Why?  Because in ALL circumstances, GOD is in control.  The maker of the world, the sustain-er of the world.  Isn't that a beautiful fact?  We can live this life with not always joy, but an indescribable peace and understanding because we know that no matter WHAT we know about what is going ...

I had a new-found appreciation for the particular chapter I read this morning. Isn't it funny how that always seems to happen? I'm just a littlehappy about it, too.  I think it's amazing how God continues to use the exact same words to teach you something new over and over again.  Kinda like His mercies... they're completely new every. single. day. ;-) So, this time it was 1 Corinthians 15 - the chapter all about resurrection. It seemed to me while reading it through, that Paul was correcting misunderstandings about Christ's Resurrection and one day, our resurrections too.  Clarifying that Christ DID break the bonds of death over human life when He rose from the grave Himself, and that we will, "when the trumpet sounds", rise to a new life and a new body.  Both of which will be better than we can ever imagine. I like to think of it as the Victory chapter.  It brings hope, being a reminder of the life we've been given, the life we will have with...

Adam and Eve were created in a perfect world.  Everything was exactly the way God wanted it... everything was within His will.  All was good.  But Adam and Eve chose to fight against the authority wall between God and man, choosing man's will over God's ( thinking they would be happiest), and... well, where did that take them?  Somewhere better?  To a happier place, one that satisfied them and gave them joy?  No.  It lead them away from God.  Their decision to ignore God's plan to follow their own lead them to disappointment and so so much more.  It affected their entire lives, and every life that followed after them until today - centuries later! - I don't want just a Christian guy.  I want a Godly man.  And the only way to get that is to trust in GOD'S will, and to wait for the one He's perfectly chosen for me.  Adam and Eve's story, as discouraging as it could be, in some way... yes, it en courages me.  He's not hold...

"God is really among you!" (1 Cor. 14:25) I know I'm taking this verse a biiit out of context, as what I am thinking has nothing to do with speaking in tongues - but, it spurred some other good thoughts anyway. =) What is it that makes a Church so different from the other mainstream Churches?  Why is it that "God is among you!" so blatantly and obviously in some Churches, and what is it that makes them that way?  I guess it all boils down to... what can I do to make my Church that way??  Everything always comes down to the individuals.  We can't have a strong nation without strong governments, we can't have strong governments without strong Churches, we can't have strong Churches without strong families, and we can't have strong families without strong individuals.  Basically... it comes down to ME no matter what.  Every time.  No exceptions.  So how am I living my life?  Am I being a strong individual?  An individual of self-dis...

There's the ups, and there is definitely the downs.  The times on the mountain, and the times in the dessert.  The days God feels so near, and the days feeling doesn't even seem to be an option.  It's just the way it goes with our spiritual lives, right?  There's growing, constantly growing... yet it doesn't always seem like we're getting very far.  Maybe part of that... just maybe... is not letting go of wanting to grow on our own ?  In and of ourselves... maybe not allowing God to be the one the causes the growing?  I love that parallel of our spiritual lives as believers being like a seedling.  God first had to plant a seed in rich soil, "good soil" (Matt. 13).  It needs to be  consistently watered with quenching and nourishing water, or it's growth is cut short.  It needs sunlight - when hidden from the sun, it wilts and begins to die away.  But does the seedling do this?  Does the seedling provide the rich soil? ...

"Goodnight, Anna!  I love you so much." "I love you more ... I love you to the stars and back." "I love you to the stars and back... but, Anna, I don't love you as much as I love Jesus.  I love Jesus, like... to the sun and down." "Wow, that's a long ways, Cora!  I'm so glad you love Him that much." ... "Anna, are stars bigger than Jesus?" *nod my head* "Anna, are whales bigger than Jesus?" "Nope!" "Wow.  I wish I was bigger than a whale, so that whales couldn't pick me up... so whales can't pick up Jesus?" *nod my head once again*  "No, Cora, remember - God can be everywhere at the same time!  He made the stars and the whales!"  "Well, I'm glad I'm not Jesus.  I wouldn't want to be a giant." I'm glad I'm not Jesus.  How I love kids. =D  And boy, do they have their own way of teaching you (it's not called "the faith of a chil...

Ah, this is good.  So so good.  Our mindset as redeemed can be so upside down.  Lord, keep prompting my heart with the need to step down from the throne of my heart and give it to the only right and able King.  Give it to Jesus.  Focus on Him , not what I can do.  Let Him be the change in my life as I just simply live for Him. LOOK to Him . "If I am to be like Him, then God in His grace must do it, and the sooner I come to recognize it the sooner I will be delivered from another form of bondage.  Throw down every endeavor and say, I cannot do it, the more I try the farther I get from His likeness.  What shall I do?  Ah, the Holy Spirit says, You cannot do it; just withdraw; come out of it. You have been in the arena, you have been endeavoring, you are a failure, come out and sit down, and as you sit there behold Him, look at Him.  Don't try to be like Him, just look at Him. Just be occupied with Him. Forget about trying to be like Hi...

Love thrives on love. It's a line I read in "The Green letters" today.  So true, isn't it?  When is it that I feel so spurred to love another?  When I've received true and honest love from someone else.  When I've felt appreciated, accepted.  When I've felt loved!  After being reminded of the reason Christ came to our lowly world so long ago.  After being reminded of why and WHO He died for only 33 years later.  THIS is when I am encouraged to reach further and make an attempt to touch someone else with that amazing love.  THIS is love thriving on love. Lord, show me your great and wondrous, unending and unfathomable love.  Overwhelm me with what you've done for me, so that my heart may extend your amazing love to those around me!  Show me love.  Show me how to love.  How to love to my best ability so that others may grow, so that their love has something to thrive on.

These quotes pretty much sums up me the past couple months, so it just seemed right to post it. =)  It makes me feel sort of young and immature when I think of the things that God still has to pull me through... emotions, and all that good stuff.  But it's good to realize that I'll always need Him, and He'll always be teaching me. And that sometimes it takes something crazy for Him to do that. =P "Faith is dependence upon God. And this God-dependence only begins when the self-dependence ends. And self-dependence only comes to its end, with some of us, when sorrow, suffering, affliction, broken plans and hopes bring us to that place of self-helplessness and defeat. And only then do we find that we have learned the lesson of faith; to find our tiny craft of life rushing onward to a blessed victory of life and power and service undreamt of in the days of our fleshly strength and self-reliance."  -James McConkey and... "It is a great thing to learn faith...